Tag Archives: vampire

Acid Trip

12 Jan

I’ve been tripping hard all day. Either that or I’m turning into a vampire.

I went to the doctor yesterday morning to have my right ear checked out. I haven’t been able to hear very well out of it for about 10 days. The first nurse, a dude of about 55 yrs and wreaking of cigarette smoke, weighed me and tried to take my blood pressure. “Uh, can you take your shirt off? I can’t get a read over your sleeve.” “Thanks” he says, “but it looks like I need to get a second opinion.”

What? Really? A second opinion for a blood pressure check?

Second nurse, female of about 30 yrs and smelling of patchouli, looked smug and in charge. “Mmm…nope, me neither.” They kind of huddled in the corner and I overheard, “I got a beat and then nothing, it just stopped. Weird.”

That’s when I thought that maybe I was a vampire and suddenly I was ok with not having a heart beat.

The Doctor, female of about 40 years with a thick Indian accent and bad hair, didn’t even bother trying to get a read of my blood pressure. “You’ve got a heart beat, let’s look at that ear.”

Excessive ear wax build up. Sounds disgusting, looks disgusting. 10 minutes of water jet assisted irrigation and blockage is gone and acid trip begun.

Wow, I can hear. Everything. The rough surface of the paper towel against the dispenser in the bathroom. I can hear the small hairs on my neck brush across my collar as I turn my head. I can even hear my socks rustle against my shoes as I walk.  Every tiny sound from every possible direction has been magnified 100x.

At first this new found super power was really amusing.  It wasn’t until I got in my car that it started to become irritating as I can know identify a thousand new squeaks, crackles and creeks in the old Volvo.

I think I’m gonna go with the vampire theory as it would appear to have more benefits than an acid trip although I’m not sure what the benefit of no blood pressure would be.