Tag Archives: religion

Mormon Bread

7 Mar

It’ll get you in the door every time.

The doorbell rang yesterday (Sunday) and standing there was a tall, long haired, hippie looking guy in blue-jeans who looked about my age.  In his hand he held a bag with a warm round loaf of bread, it was still steaming.  He asked if I was Brad Keyes to which I responded, “why yes, yes I am who are you?”  He said he was with the “Church”.

If I lived in Utah and it was Sunday and someone came to my door with a loaf of fresh baked bread (he made it himself) dressed in a suit and tie and said he was with the Church I’d think this normal behavior.  Not exactly normal behavior in Chicago and especially not from a long hair in blue jeans. So naturally I said, “which church, the Catholic church or the Buddhist church around the corner?” I would have asked the same question if this had happened in Utah.

Of course, deep down I knew exactly what church he was talking about.  Frankly I was surprised it had taken them 8 months to find us.  The bread smelled delicious and I couldn’t just take it and shut the door so I invited him in,  plus he looked lonely.  As the first Mormon I’ve met in Chicago in 8 months surely he must be lonely.

We broke bread. Not true, I waited til he left and then me and the girls went to town on that loaf.  Crazy good! Best bread I’ve ever had, it didn’t last 20 minutes.  I’m trying to figure out how to get a loaf out of him once a week.

Resurrection

10 Jun

How can some of you say that there is no resurrection ye of futile faith for after 276 days the Yotavan was surely resurrected.

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Amen.

Frozen Hog 09

7 Feb

The Church of The Blue Dome is true and sometimes Truth hurts. I prophesied it and it came to pass.

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Dan was filled with the spirit today and testified big time.

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Chucky flatted out but it mattered not.

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Because Kenny and Racer both preached with fire in the belly. The Brethren brought down the house and returned the trophy to its rightful place. Amen.

Church Of The Blue Dome World Headquarters

30 Nov

Southern Utah. Specifically, Southwestern Utah. I can’t think of a better place to locate a rapidly growing religion. I heart Southwestern Utah.

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People actually live here. Unbelievable! They must feel like they are at Church all the time. Well, the Church of the Blue Dome anyway.

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The only problem with Southwestern Utah is that most of my family and now part of Tasha’s family, not to mention a lot of friends, now call it home. By the time we visit everyone, share the Gospel and mooch all their food (Thanks Tom and Dion, Kris and Bob, Jerry and Diane, Sergio and Wendy) there is very little time left over for biking. I guess we should stop preaching and just worship.

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If you haven’t done Barrel Roll, Southwest of Santa Clara, you need to add it to your short list of rides should you visit.

I grew up in ST. George, Utah and it hasn’t changed much. The local bowling alley still looks just like it did when I was 10 years old. I’ve always loved those green stools and counter and the fries are still delicious.

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It has changed a little, the competition has gotten a lot stiffer.

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If you haven’t made it down to Southwestern Utah lately for worship you better start working on your priorities because religion doesn’t get any better than this and you are just getting older.

Apostasy

9 May

As a member of The Church of The Blue Dome there are certain rules, or commandments if you will, that one is expected to obey. However, the Church allows each member to interpret the rules to a certain degree according to their circumstances.

I may have flexed my interpretation of the rules a bit. Some may even say I’m now an apostate. Maybe, maybe not. But probably not, it is my church after all.

One of the great things about religion, and mine is no different, is revision. Like all great religion’s founders I’m allowed to pretty much do as I may. So, I’m going to rewrite some of the rules to accomodate my current circumstances.

That being said, I am forsaking the Dork Bike. Blasphemous, I know. Allow me to ‘splain.

I’ve found some new truth that I was lacking. I’m merely adding this new truth to my existing truth to form a more perfect religion.

Beware the Vassago Jabberwocky:

Granted, not too dork. Other than breaking rule (commandment) # 3, Rim Brakes Only, I’m still keeping 7 of the original 8 commandments. That’s much better than most religion’s founders and besides I’ll be revising those rules as to comply with all of them soon enough.

Tasha has also been enlightened with more truth and will be riding a frumious Bandersnatch to church.

These new truths would never have been known without the aid of Misty and Kris at Vassago Cycles who saw that we were heading down the wrong trail and steered us back to the twisty and narrow. Thank you!

Not apostasy after all, thankfully, but a magnification of truth leading to a fullness of the gospel of The Church of The Blue Dome heretofore unknown.

Callooh! Callay!


I Went To Church Today

9 Mar

Hard to believe and with Tasha no less. We attended the Church of the Blue Dome. We pedaled under the blue dome for almost 3 hours albeit at a slightly irreverent pace. I love the Church of the Blue Dome. It’s the only place where I find true peace and happiness.

The Blue Dome was filled with a glorious light today that was as bright as the noon day sun. We toured the south end of the valley with a trip up the north side of Suncrest. Crap that is a steep hill. I told Tasha that I was just going to spin up Traverse in my easiest gear but when she stood up and pedaled away from me the temptation to chase was too great. I gave into the flesh and tried to match her pace but my legs were shot.

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We met back up for a sacrament of Seattle’s Best at the the Suncrest Market before heading down the mountain. We screamed down the hill at such speed as to gather no moss.

We arrived at home with our physical bodies spent yet our beings swelled by the spirit of the Blue Dome. As sure as I am typing this I do testify as to the truth of those things that we experienced today. The Church of the Blue Dome is true. If you doubt you only need partake and the truth shall be made manifest to you. Amen.

Anybody want to be baptized? I thought so.

Finding My Religion

30 Nov

Rick S. wrote about his failed attempt at weight loss the other day. Fatty started an enormous web community around his obsession with losing some pounds. I’m pretty sure that dieting is one of the only things people fail at over and over throughout their lives yet continue to try anyway. Well, maybe marriage can be added to the short list.

Anyway, why is fat loss so hard? Why do so many try and fail? Oh ye of little faith I think I found the answer. As a bonus I may have found myself a new religion.

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My parents would be so proud. Wait, maybe this isn’t the religion they want me to come back to. I drive by this building everyday on the way to work in downtown Midvale, yes, Midvale has a downtown. A thriving, vibrant downtown with its own museum even, multiple restaurants, bars, businesses and now a new church.

I’ve noticed people working on this building for the last few months and have been curious as to what new business was going to open. They just plastered these signs on the windows a couple days ago. I can only guess how they’ll meld faith and fat loss. Replace the pews with treadmills? What ever will the Pastor wear?