Acid Trip

12 Jan

I’ve been tripping hard all day. Either that or I’m turning into a vampire.

I went to the doctor yesterday morning to have my right ear checked out. I haven’t been able to hear very well out of it for about 10 days. The first nurse, a dude of about 55 yrs and wreaking of cigarette smoke, weighed me and tried to take my blood pressure. “Uh, can you take your shirt off? I can’t get a read over your sleeve.” “Thanks” he says, “but it looks like I need to get a second opinion.”

What? Really? A second opinion for a blood pressure check?

Second nurse, female of about 30 yrs and smelling of patchouli, looked smug and in charge. “Mmm…nope, me neither.” They kind of huddled in the corner and I overheard, “I got a beat and then nothing, it just stopped. Weird.”

That’s when I thought that maybe I was a vampire and suddenly I was ok with not having a heart beat.

The Doctor, female of about 40 years with a thick Indian accent and bad hair, didn’t even bother trying to get a read of my blood pressure. “You’ve got a heart beat, let’s look at that ear.”

Excessive ear wax build up. Sounds disgusting, looks disgusting. 10 minutes of water jet assisted irrigation and blockage is gone and acid trip begun.

Wow, I can hear. Everything. The rough surface of the paper towel against the dispenser in the bathroom. I can hear the small hairs on my neck brush across my collar as I turn my head. I can even hear my socks rustle against my shoes as I walk.  Every tiny sound from every possible direction has been magnified 100x.

At first this new found super power was really amusing.  It wasn’t until I got in my car that it started to become irritating as I can know identify a thousand new squeaks, crackles and creeks in the old Volvo.

I think I’m gonna go with the vampire theory as it would appear to have more benefits than an acid trip although I’m not sure what the benefit of no blood pressure would be.

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13 Responses to “Acid Trip”

  1. Eric January 12, 2010 at 11:23 am #

    I go on those same trips every few years.. you are not alone vampire

    • brkeyes7 January 12, 2010 at 3:40 pm #

      The acid trips or the earwax removal trips?

      • bob January 12, 2010 at 5:12 pm #

        Cocaine is a hell of a drug….

  2. dug January 12, 2010 at 11:41 am #

    you are flesh and bone but no blood. now, where have i heard that before . . .

  3. matt January 12, 2010 at 11:55 am #

    Been there done that. Good thing it was not anything more serious.

  4. KanyonKris January 12, 2010 at 2:41 pm #

    Your 30 beats per minute heart rate is what confused them. They didn’t wait long enough for the next beat.

    I had the ear wax thing too a few years back. Good description of the aftermath.

    • brkeyes7 January 12, 2010 at 3:42 pm #

      How long does the super power last?

      • KanyonKris January 14, 2010 at 3:19 pm #

        I was aware of how much better I could hear for less than a week. Then it became normal.

  5. Bill Martin January 12, 2010 at 4:46 pm #

    So this year you will hear “wrong way” at the Butte 100 and you wont get lost … lol!

  6. Jason January 12, 2010 at 6:47 pm #

    I did those ear candle things once – seemed to work pretty well based on the amount of stuff they suck out of there. Does the water jet hurt or tickle?

    • brkeyes7 January 13, 2010 at 8:34 pm #

      Hurts in a good way, exquisite pain.

    • KanyonKris January 14, 2010 at 3:22 pm #

      Once the wax blob was really stuck in there and it took the doctor multiple blasts with the syringe before it finally dislodged. Since my inner ear was already irritaded from the hard wax blob, each blast hurt, as Brad said, exquisitely. But when it came out it, the pain relief and heightened hearing were phenomenal.

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