Diabolical And Sadistic

6 Sep

Those two words describe not only the course but the race organizers of the PCPP to a “T”. But first the first of the story.

I don’t know if Kenny is more excited for the race or because Natalie let him wear her daisy dukes.


Racing the PCPP for Team Fatcyclist required that we smile. We really have no idea what we are in for. The last time you’ll see us smile for over 8 hours.


I had a goal of finishing under 9 hours and beating Kenny. My plan was simple, start easy for the first few hours and then burn it to the finish. It worked out reasonably well until it came time to light the matches and they were all wet.

At hour 4 I was done, all the climbing was taking its toll. I had nothing left and had to stop and take off my shoes and walk around for a few minutes just to ground myself back in reality. For what lasted an hour but seemed more like days whenever the pitch was steeper than flat I was forced to get off my bike and walk. That course was never flat, ALL uphill. No descending, none, just climbing.

You know how you get so tired sometimes that you can’t clip in or out of your pedals? That’s where I was. So tired that you start crashing into everything and don’t care at all? At one point I fell over between 2 trees and got my rear wheel jammed between them so bad that I couldn’t get it out. A couple racers had to hike it around me.

What do you do? Keep moving forward no matter how slow. After an hour of despair and darkness the heavens opened up and light shined down on me and lit me on fire. For the next 3 hours I was superman and did nothing but pass racers, I was on fire! I was sure I was going to catch back up to Kenny.

Here’s my pre-darkness look at aid station #1 after a nice hard rain, just enough to soak my gloves and shoes clean through.


As if the race wasn’t hard enough at about mile 73 you end up close enough to the finish to hear the announcer and music blaring and you think the suffering is over. Of course it just has to be over because you can’t pedal another revolution, it’s all downhill. Wrong! Those sadistic diabolical race organizer bastardos make you climb another 1,000 feet right before the finish just to make sure it was hard enough. Thanks a lot. I really appreciated that.

I never did gain back all the ground that I lost but finally, a smile again. Judging how clean Bart and Kenny are you can probably guess they both beat my sorry ass.


The fast guys porch. This is as close as they’d let me get.


Just like I predicted Friday night and even the right order, your top 4 finishers overall. Alex, Bart, Chris and Kevin. Congratulations!


Here’s Sonya Looney having had better days and just moments before she gave me the bird, too bad I missed that shot. She did awesome and came in 4th overall in the Women’s Pro class just behind my favorite CarboRocket addict KC Holley, better get on the CR Sonya!


The overall women’s winner and 5th place overall, Pua Sawicki posing with Race organizer Jay Burke. Huge applause for the efforts Jay and Shannon and their army of volunteers for putting together a 1st class awesome event that will be around for a long time. Thanks!


The SS class proved to be one of the tightest (and best looking) races of the day with the top 3 all finishing within 7 minutes of each other. Next year Kenny, next year.


26 Responses to “Diabolical And Sadistic”

  1. Mark September 7, 2009 at 1:16 am #

    Kenny’s tops the podium in the glasses dept. too.

    Brad, what bars are you running? Story?

    • brkeyes7 September 8, 2009 at 6:49 am #

      Mark, Bontrager XXX carbon riser bars.

  2. Brad Mullen September 7, 2009 at 8:56 am #

    If Leno needs a new writter, you’re the man. I’m laughing so hard I can hardly type. It’s good to see you front runners suffer as much as the rest of us – only we do it longer. And your read on the last uphill is exactly what I thought. Why now?!!! I figured they must have a hidden camera somewhere so they could record the dismay in our faces as we rode AWAY from the music. Very diabolical. Thanks for the great report.

  3. Andy H September 7, 2009 at 10:05 am #

    When I hit that last uphill I swore I was going to kill Jay and Shannon if I survived. Still don’t know how I finished that race.

  4. Slowerthensnot September 7, 2009 at 11:45 am #

    Great Read! nice work man!

  5. kenny September 7, 2009 at 2:26 pm #

    Not everyone can pull off the daisy dukes. I was going to wear them on the podium, but Natalie would have divorced me.

  6. Aaron September 7, 2009 at 5:38 pm #

    Dude, that’s a great result – especially considering your hour of despair. The other 7 hours you must have been flying. I think those daisy dukes should be the loser’s trophy from now on. I expect to see you in them before the next race.

    • brkeyes7 September 8, 2009 at 6:51 am #

      We were racing for the daisy dukes. Kenny gets to keep them for one more race.

  7. KanyonKris September 7, 2009 at 6:45 pm #

    Told in excellent BK style.

    You have an amazing ability to give a true 100% effort – every last drop. Your super power and kryptonite in one.

    Way to gut it out.

  8. KDAY September 7, 2009 at 8:51 pm #

    I hope the world will some day understand how hard that race was for ss riders. I’m pretty sure I used every single one of my gears and I still suffered.

    • brkeyes7 September 8, 2009 at 2:48 pm #

      Kday, not harder just different. Nice job on 4th overall!

  9. Jonnie J September 8, 2009 at 9:22 am #

    Very entertaining write up BK and a great race result.

  10. evilbanks September 8, 2009 at 9:53 am #

    Great write up man, congrats on making it to the podium after a hard fought battle!

  11. mark September 8, 2009 at 10:10 am #

    All day Saturday I wished I was racing. And then I read this. Nice work.

    • brkeyes7 September 8, 2009 at 2:50 pm #

      Mark, and now you really wished you were there.

  12. Grizzly Adam September 8, 2009 at 10:36 am #

    I walked by the fast guy porch and one of them said “hey you, midpack guy, go get me a latte!”

    And so I did.

  13. Grizzly Adam September 8, 2009 at 10:38 am #

    Oh, and I have to ask, forgive me:

    the way you are holding your prize in the podium picture…um ar eyou compensating for something?

    Ok, Ok…sorry for that!

    • brkeyes7 September 8, 2009 at 2:50 pm #

      I was just trying to contain my excitement.

      • Niall September 8, 2009 at 4:52 pm #

        The thought of Daisy Dukes (on Daisy of course) does that to me too

  14. Flyin' Ute September 8, 2009 at 10:39 am #

    Who won the Clydesdale Category?

    No need to reply. I’m just being a smart alec since I’m sure they didn’t have one. Skinny little fast guys are the only ones who should count.

  15. looneyson September 8, 2009 at 11:52 am #

    GREAT JOB!!!!! You’re a badass!

    Dude, you can see the hematoma in that pic on the left quad. good shot. hahaha!

  16. Rick S. September 8, 2009 at 1:18 pm #

    nice work Brad. I wished I had raced this but deep down, I’m really glad I didn’t.

  17. ricky September 8, 2009 at 9:53 pm #

    great report and fantastic race! congratulations. from the depths of hell to the podium. you move me.


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