Speed Dork

6 Jun

It scares me. Going fast freaks me out. OK, going fast on a road bike freaks me out, the mountain bike not so much. I’m usually the last one out of the canyon on a road ride.

I actually ended up selling a cool old motorcycle (68′ Yamaha BearCat) I had because I constantly found myself going 20 MPH on the shoulder of the road and felt like a threat to myself and those around me.

Anyway, I hadn’t been on my road bike in nearly 3 months. It just hasn’t sounded fun. As a matter of fact I’ve been doing easy spin recovery days on my mountain bike on the road. I needed to get out today after missing some days this week because of weather and the Jabberwocky had a couple goat heads from the Draper race so I hopped on my road bike.

The first thing I noticed is that I felt like a total dork. I know I look like a dork on a bike but I never feel like a dork. It wasn’t a good dorky feeling it was a dorky dork feeling. Like I was in a basketball game but wearing a wrestling singlet and headgear. Bad.

The next thing I noticed was how fast I was going. I must admit that it was thrilling at first but then I started to scare myself and had to slow down. I don’t know if its the skinny tires or the gears or what but I was haulin some ass.

Pretty soon I wasn’t feeling so dorky. I became comfortable with the speed. Speed was fun, it was cool, I embraced it. I then started to feel like a pro road racer. I imagined all the drivers around me eying me and thinking to themselves, “I wonder if that’s Lance Armstrong?”

At that very moment of perceived fame I stood up to sprint not only to get some more speed but to show the drivers that maybe I was Lance Armstrong. My right shoe somehow unclipped from my pedal. I landed awkwardly on my top tube barely able to keep from falling down but not avoiding the inevitable top tube ball crush.

Alas, I am a dork, at least on a road bike.

11 Responses to “Speed Dork”

  1. dug at 8:54 am #


  2. matt at 9:03 am #

    I’m just laughing. I have a mental image from the drivers perspective.

  3. tibiker at 9:19 am #

    Lance once nutted the top tube if memory serves me, and then went on to win the stage. The drivers just assumed some bystander snagged your handlebar with a mussette bag and dropped you.
    Naw, that’s wishful thinking, they figured out you were a dork.

  4. jruss at 10:07 am #

    I will never forget riding through Richfield on a bicycle tour of sorts when a good ol’ boy pulled up next to me in his extra sweet diesel truck and said, “Are you that Neil Armstrong?”

  5. sly at 10:08 am #

    you feel like a dork on a road bike, but you feel normal riding a rigid 1 gear around??


  6. KanyonKris at 11:28 am #

    The thrill of speed, the agony of “the rack”.

  7. Grizzly Adam at 11:33 am #

    At least you didn’t fall over trying to track stand at a stop light. Not that I ever have done that.

    Racing at DV tomorrow?

  8. Rick S. at 11:43 am #

    Brad- Did you get that hot flash feeling that comes when you do something dorky like that? Gotta love the hot flash.

  9. Flahute at 5:20 pm #

    Aha! That’s why I stopped riding … it’s not that I’m fat and out of shape. It’s that there are dorks on the road, and I don’t wanna be confused for one of them!

  10. ricky at 11:08 pm #

    sorry for laughing, dork.


  1. Embraced » Blog Archive » Speed Dork -

    […] Speed Dork I became comfortable with the speed. Speed was fun, it was cool, I embraced it. I then started to feel like a pro road racer. […]

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